Live to be 100

The Beast From The East II weather front just roared through bringing some real cold to the valley — on a couple of nights temperatures were down to -7°C (19°F). John was up early one morning and noticed one of our elderly neighbors walking up the hill to town, despite the ice and strong wind. John mentioned it to me and said that he was surprised to see him out, braving the cold, but I wasn’t puzzled. A more important need was calling, something that weather and a pandemic can’t suppress — coffee with friends.

Groups gather throughout the day at the cafes. Current restrictions dictate that cafes are only open for takeout so people stand outside, holding tiny paper cups with a shot of espresso, and try to drink while pulling aside their masks the minimal amount possible. But mainly they talk and laugh, exchanging gossip, news, and complaints. When my favorite cafe is allowed to serve inside a group of older men gather in a back room to smoke, play cards, and bet. It’s a room stained dark with smoke, but also mystery and intrigue. I hesitate to enter it even when they aren’t present as it feels like I am trespassing.

Teens hang less at the cafes and more in the pedestrian tunnel that runs through the foundations of the tower on the wall, complete with the town’s ancient water well. They are often smoking, mostly tobacco but sometimes pot, and seem unable to keep their tough teen personas intact faced with a “buon giorno”, answering with a smile. If I squint I can easily see them in sixty years, still together.

If not outside a cafe, the old men gather under the portico near the ATM. This spot is most crowded on market day, every Wednesday morning, and on Sunday morning when they get kicked out of the house so that Sunday lunch can be prepared. Most have known each other since school days and still have much to say to each other.

To socialize this much you have to get to where the gang is. Our neighbor is not alone in his frequent walking trips to the village, which although only a couple of hundred meters, is breath-catchingly steep. Our house is between town and the cemetery so we see the steady parade of older people going down the hill and back up for their daily visits to the graves. The elderly who live in the historic center navigate cobblestones, tiny staircases in the houses, and steep streets. They walk to stores and the pharmacy; most of their needs are met within meters. I marvel at their mobility after growing up in the states where there seems to be a universal acceptance that after a certain age one needs to move to, as Mom’s retirement community euphemistically called it, a “level-in”.

After being here nearly ten years I credit these two things, the insatiable desire to socialize and frequent walking that requires stamina and balance, with the vitality and spark that I see in the older people. Not to mention that only Japan’s population lives longer. I aspire to age like this and will try to follow their graceful lead.

Nonna net

Soon after we arrived in our village we got a lesson about the effectiveness of the nonna network in Italy.

During our first year in Tuscany what helped the most to get our non-Italian speaking kids thriving in the all-Italian local schools was a couple of sent-from-the-Gods tutors who helped with the transition. They’d pick the kids up at school, check in with the teachers and find out what was coming up the next day, but what became the most important in many ways, take them to the family lunch before starting in on homework. One of Sebastian’s tutor’s grandmothers often cooked for the extended family, plus Sebastian, and got to know him very well.

One day John and Sebastian were walking across the piazza and the grandmother came rushing towards Sebastian, obviously upset and concerned. She started talking to Sebastian in very loud, rapid-fire Italian, her five-foot tall frame towering over his eight-year old height. At the end of what seemed to be an epic scolding she gave him a huge hug and walked away.

John asked, “What was that all about?” “Nothing,” said Sebastian.

So we called the granddaughter, who spoke some English, and got the story. Living in a small village our kids ran free a lot. Apparently earlier in the day Sebastian had been taking a walk with a very attractive local mom and her young son on the path that runs next to the top of the ancient walls of our hill town. This defensive wall is at least 50′ high and the top of it has a flat surface about two feet wide. It drops from the lower part of our village to the valley and helped protect the town from invaders. Sebastian decided to show off, so he jumped up onto the top of the wall to walk for a bit.

But his brief high-wire act had been spotted by a grandmother, who none of us knew, as she was looking out her window. She immediately called her friend, Sebastian’s adopted grandmother, and explained that she saw him break a big village rule: no walking on the wall. She thought her friend would want to let her young American friend know how dangerous this was.

And we learned our first of many lessons that prove that Italian grandmothers rule. They take responsibility for enforcing village mores, and such a transgression would warrant an instant phone call to a friend to rectify—the nonna net in action.