Halloween in Italy

My Halloween week started with a really disturbing dream involving the reappearance of my Mom who passed away three years ago. I don’t want to go into any details but in my dream she was decidedly, very certainly, unmistakably dead. And I was not pleased to have her visiting me in that state.

I was telling a friend about the dream who it turns out believes that this time of year, exactly around Halloween, is when the veil between the living and the dead is the thinnest, and that this has been known and celebrated around the world since pagan times. The Celtic Druids marked the midway point between the Fall Equinox and the Winter Solstice with their celebration, Samhain, that is an early forebear of Halloween. It coincided (at that time in history) with the Pleiades star cluster culminating at midnight, which is somehow very relevant. The spirits of the dead were thought to be the most restless and present to the living world on this special night and needed to be shepherded back to the land of rest.

This rumbling in my subconscious caused me to look at Halloween in a different light. I’ve always heard about Day of the Dead celebrations but before moving to Italy had never lived in a culture where this aspect accompanies, and overshadows, Halloween. When we first arrived seven years ago Halloween was barely a blip on the local scene. I was really worried that Sebastian would nix our move as this was the first holiday he’d celebrate in Italy, so his then eight-year old self and I dressed up in some pieced-together costumes, me carrying an arsenal of nerf-guns and armed with a supply of American Halloween candy, and set out in the mist to the deserted square to trick or treat. We were told to stick to the stores. Most shopkeepers were mystified about what we were up to but glad to receive a dolcetto Americano, an exotic treat called a miniature Snickers bar, in a kind of reverse exchange. All good-naturedly contributed something. Our favorite “treat” was a sausage from the butcher. I will never forget Sebastian’s face when the butcher handed it to him over the counter.

Much has changed in seven years. Now you commonly see carved pumpkins, there are a few activities for kids, and there’s a general festive atmosphere in towns and villages. The next major town has a Halloween disco. The grocery store features a small selection of kids’ costumes. But it’s not the big event.

The main focus is November 1st, All Saints Day, and November 2nd, the more inclusive All Souls Day, both of which are full-on holidays with most businesses closed. All the action happens at the cemeteries. Right before the holidays cars are double parked around every local cemetery (even the smallest hamlet has one) so that families can come and decorate the graves with new fake flowers, battery-operated candles, photos, and small ceramic figurines of angels and the like. (Many graves touchingly come in pairs of husbands and wives.) The supermarket display of plastic and fresh flowers dwarfs the section of costumes, and tents selling flowers are set up around the cemeteries. Traffic around our nearby cemetery is routed in a one-way direction to prevent collisions. Inside the walls of the cemetery it is a cheery, convivial scene with crowds of people of all ages talking and laughing and tending the graves. I wrote about the Italian approach to death, cemeteries, and recycling graves in last year’s Itch.

The very spiffy graves after much work by the families.

It’s a revelation for me to see the trivialized American Halloween tradition reunited with its more ancient and profound roots about death and those who have passed beyond our worlds.

It has even started to make me question my plan for eventual cremation and wondering if it wouldn’t be nice to have a little niche, right beside John, with a photo and plastic flowers and perhaps a clay figurine of Lola. That way if I do wander into the butcher, in a less than fleshy form, demanding a sausage on the night of October 31st, I will know my way back home on November 1st.

Postcard: Making the McDonalds

In a swirl of pre-production chaos dinner looms and I go down to the nearest butcher shop knowing I can get everything I need to make hamburgers. There are about six people in line in front of me and while I wait I grab the only package of hamburger buns on the shelf. After about five minutes it is my turn. The woman behind the counter carefully cuts off pieces of beef, from cows raised nearby, to get the right mix of lean and fat, seasons it all, puts it through the grinder, then shapes and presses patties, carefully separated by paper and wrapped. While this is happening a line of about six people grows behind me. I ask for some cheese from the big block and she asks how thinly I want it sliced. I point to the burger patties and buns and she says with a big smile “Fai il McDonalds questa sera?” (Are you making the McDonalds tonight)? I laugh back and answer “si”.

The six people in line behind me can’t contain themselves and all jump in with a rush of opinions about McDonalds. The man behind me says that McDonalds would never have beef of this quality, and that you can’t even compare the two. The woman next to him says that she has heard that the buns McDonalds uses are often several years old. (I do not point out to her that the ones I just got off the shelf had probably been there since World War II.) Someone else volunteers that they have never been. I calmly assure everyone that even though I am American I am not a fan of the chain and much prefer to make my own McDonalds at home.

There is a palpable release of tension at my admission and with a cheery round of “ciao” and “buona serata” I am on my way into the dark night.

An Italian’s DNA surprise

Itch is delighted to feature more from our Italian abroad, Gianna della Valle, with ideas about how to live more like an Italian no matter where you are. She has made a study of how to bring elements of the Italian way of life into her adopted, more frenetic homeland.

As an Italian living in London people ask “Where are you from?”

Easy for me to answer as my family, for many generations, came from the same hamlet in northern Italy. My father and my mother were neighbours and my grandparents and their grandparents and their grandparents knew each other for as far back as anyone could remember. That’s Italy for you. We have roots. Family trees. It means families are like trees, solidly rooted in places. People and generations may be the leaves and branches but the family is the tree. A tree stubbornly planted in front of that hill. Nothing to do with aristocracy or anything fancy. Simply, we are from there. And in the house we can find things left by a great grandparent (or a great great great) that have survived layers of renovations and are a reminder that we always leave something behind. Better it be useful.

Then I came along and at some point in my twenties decided to pack and followed the North Star, which after some years in Germany led me to London. I still feel the guilt. And after decades I am still given “the traitor treatment” when I go back. “Italy is so perfect and beautiful,” the logic goes, “why did you leave? There were no wars or major disasters. There was absolutely no reason. Why?” I must say, in my defence, I did ask my grandfather for his blessing before starting this adventure, as I always sought his wisdom. And his simple question was “What is it that you like so much over there?” I thought for a few seconds and my answer was “because I look at the sky and the clouds are always running.” “Well then, go.” And that was that. The clouds are always running in England – unlike the Italian sky where not much moves in days. And the constant breeze, the smell of water and wet grass. From the first time I was in London it felt like home. And so it has felt ever since.

A couple of years ago I was having drinks with some colleagues and the topic was DNA testing. A few of them had tried it and it unlocked new learnings. I laughed. I certainly would not need the results to tell me where I was from! I definitively knew! Anyhow, there is nothing like a pub challenge, and there I was with my saliva in a tube, sending it somewhere unknown.

I was due for a shock when the results came back. There was not a drop of Southern European blood in my body. I was from the North, up to 30,000 years ago my ancestors were from somewhere North – between Denmark and England. I thought this must have been a mistake. So I sent a sample from my mother in a way that would not in anyway highlight we were related. And my father. No, niet, nada. Not a single whiff of truly Italian stock in our tree that seemed so stubbornly planted in front of that hill! But I was truly the daughter of my mother and my father (so no surprises there, in case you wondered). I reach out desperately to other people with more obviously diverse backgrounds – and yes, their results were correct. So it was true. I was ultimately from a place where the clouds are running.

When we look with a horizon of 30,000 years the history of humanity is one of change and movement and that’s the fascination of DNA tests. There is so much tension today about where we are from. Shouldn’t we all just look up at the clouds in the sky?

Why I like going to the dentist

One of the scary things about moving to a new country, culture, and language is doing things like finding a new dentist. There’s such a comfort level built up with trusted doctors and dentists and it’s unsettling to walk into the unknown when your body is involved. I was hoping to find competence, but was surprised to find incredible skill married to something else—that ability to relate on a human level in professional settings that it something I treasure about the Italians.

Our journey started when we had a dental “emergency”. One Saturday morning, the day of a big high school dance, Donella’s front tooth chipped. We got a referral and phoned the dentist, Marco, who we’d never met. Donella explained the situation, and although we were not his patients, he was sick with the flu and had a fever, and the office was closed, he immediately agreed to meet her and fix it before the dance, never for a moment questioning that this was a big deal.

So the whole family started going for the whole range of normal dental stuff. John and I had some quite elaborate crown-like work done with great success. Marco is a film and music buff and has an amazing collection of DVDs. He is equal parts artist and dentist so when you get work done it takes as long as it takes to make it perfect, which gets even longer when he stops for minutes at a time to analyze a scene from a movie that we are watching, or to search for an obscure piece of music that he is reminded of by the piece that’s playing.

But then we needed to have Donella’s wisdom teeth taken out. My American worldview is that there’s a line you cross with things like wisdom teeth and root canals where you need a specialist oral surgeon, so I was surprised when our dentist said he could do it. With great trepidation, but a foundation of trust we built about his skill, I agreed.

The Italian style of removing wisdom teeth is that you take one or two out in a session. We insisted that all four be removed the same day, which he was very reluctant to do, but said he’d try. We show up for the procedure and I ask about what beyond normal numbing is given for pain—I certainly needed every bit of the “twilight zone” I was in when I had mine removed. Donella is a bit odd about teeth—loved when she had loose teeth and she could wiggle them out. She was the go-to kid in elementary school for all the other kids with loose teeth cause she was so good (and fearless) about pulling them out. But that’s really different from having wisdom teeth pulled.

He said he nothing beyond numbing. I insisted that we at least had some Valium on hand in case she needed it during the procedure and he agreed and wrote a prescription. I went off to the nearby pharmacy to fill it, especially after seeing the array of tools on hand.

I return to the office just in time to hear Donella scream. I instantly morph into super-Mom calculating how far to the nearest airport, how quickly we can get her to a surgeon in the States, etc. etc. I go to the door, peek in, in my best confident voice assure Donella that I am back, standing by if she needs anything, and silently willing her to walk out if needed. Turns out that the shot for numbing was a bit more intense than she’d expected.

In the waiting room I am shaking and feeling a bit sick with nerves, really regretting this level of going local. About twenty minutes pass and then I hear laughing, cheering, and chatter. The dentist comes into the waiting room holding a tool with one tooth aloft. I go into the room to discover that he’d let Donella remove her own tooth, and she is saying this is the most fun she has ever had.

Hmmm. This was turning out a bit differently that I was thinking. The scene repeats itself three more times—she ends up removing two of the four herself. After all four are out the mood in the room is completely triumphant.

The dentist later admitted to Donella that he was so stressed about removing all four that immediately after the only thing he could do was drive to the sold-out Umbria Jazz festival, where he met a guy outside selling an extra ticket for a front-row seat. He stood there for hours, soaking in the music, and celebrating an excellent day in the office.

More cheese rolling

I was driving some friends home the other Sunday after a hike when we were stopped by the road being taken over by a cheese rolling competition—it appeared to be at least the regionals by the size of the crowd and number of teams and participants. I captured thirteen seconds of a very solid throw for you:

It was such an important competition that they even had the, if you will allow me, big cheese category, the Parmigiano. Which weighs around 55 pounds and requires a back brace. Unfortunately that event happened earlier in the day.

Cheese rolling is dear to my heart as it was an early subject of an Itch column, so you can click through to read all about the history and rules of this fine sport.

I loved that, for some reason, the all-Italian speaking team from Arezzo decided to name themselves in English.

The world of Italian women shepherds

I am lucky enough to have been forwarded a link to an Italian documentary, In Questo Mondo (In This World), about women shepherds. I was transfixed for an hour and a half—caught up in the lives of these women, ranging in age from 20 to 102. Living in the most primitive of conditions, doing physically grueling labor, walking miles per day with the flocks in all types of weather, spending their time almost exclusively in the company of animals, and always being on the very edge of financial viability, these women told similar stories of rebellion, following their hearts, and finding contentment.

(photo copyright of Anna Kauber and used with permission)

The film is gorgeous, leisurely, and immersive. Watching it I felt as if I was transported as an invisible observer into these women’s worlds. I was curious about the film so I tracked down the director, Anna Kauber. She was a delight to talk to—smart, articulate, curious, sophisticated, and funny. She is an agricultural scholar, fascinated by Italy’s agrarian past and present. She came across the subject of women shepherds and began, as she calls it, a pilgrimage to meet and understand them. Her desire to learn and know rather than ask a few questions and leave is why the film has such an immersive and quiet feel, and why it moved me so much. Anna would spend a minimum of three days with each woman, living with her day and night, and film nonstop, never asking questions or doing a formal interview. As the women became more comfortable they would begin to open up and tell her about their lives and feelings in the most natural and intimate way possible.

Anna ended up spending over two years filming, living out of her small yellow Fiat, covering 17,000 kilometers in every part of Italy. She spent time with over 100 shepherds, with 22 ultimately ending up in the film.

Rosina Paoli thinks that the prevalence of depression comes from being so removed from nature. “I don’t know what ‘depressed’ means. Just come up here and hoe! That’ll cure your depression!” (photo copyright of Anna Kauber and used with permission)

As different as these women are from one another in age, location, and education, a few themes crossed almost all stories. These women say their relationship to animals is different than male shepherds. They name individuals in the flock (and many will come when called by name), know all their personalities, and are deeply kind. Anna told me that male shepherds joke that if a lamb is born with a problem they will work hard for a couple hours to try to save it, but that a woman shepherd will do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to save the lamb. Several of the women spoke of the more distant and transactional (even occasionally cruel) relationship that male shepherds have with the animals, where they feel much more maternal.

(photo copyright of Anna Kauber and used with permission)

Most of the women had needed to fight to become shepherds. Traditionally it is not a role that women are seen as capable of doing and many had to rebel against family, society, friends, and male shepherds. But it is a life they find freeing and rewarding. As Caterina de Boni Fiabane says, “I fell in love with the phenomenon of seasonal migration, of not always staying in the same spot, having your home be more than just a small town. My home goes from here to Friuli. It’s a big home. I move, starting from here. Everywhere I go I know people. I feel at home, it’s wonderful.”

(photo copyright of Anna Kauber and used with permission)

Anna felt that the time she spent with these women changed her. She said that she was impressed by how much the women were content and lived in the present moment. Whether it was pouring rain or glorious, whatever misfortune or wonderful event happened, they faced it head on.

The film is a labor of love by Anna, with some additional crowd-sourced funding. It has been doing well on the Italian film festival circuit, winning Best Italian Documentary at the Torino festival, Best Documentary of the Year at MAXXI Roma, as well as awards in the Brescia and Trento festivals.

Unfortunately due to some funding restrictions I can’t share the link to the film widely, but let me know if you are interested in seeing it, or have an inspiration to organize a screening in the U.S. or London, and I can provide a link. (It is subtitled in English.) Anna (and I!) would love to get it out into the world.

Postcard from the farm stand

It continues to be rainy and cold. I need to get out of the house so I suggest lunch at the farm stand. John and Donella don’t want to come, so I go alone. Inside there are three tables. Two are filled with workers who I often see eating there and they all say hello. A small plastic table with folding chairs is still sitting empty, pushed into the corner next to the wall. It’s warm inside, the Giro d’Italia is on the TV, and everyone is watching.

The menu changes every day and today’s choice is pasta with barely cooked fresh cherry tomatoes and basil, followed by a steak. The pasta is perfect—a local type of onion making it sweet along with the punch of the tomatoes. I call John and tell him he must come and I save half my pasta for him. The owner takes it away to keep it warm. Donella decides to join us after errands and we add her to the corner of the folding table.

The owner and workers share theories and predictions about the Giro and try to explain race strategies to us. The workers leave and the couple that run the farm stand sit down for lunch at the next table. They jokingly want to know if we want another lunch prepared for Sebastian at yet another time. Our pasta, steaks, grilled vegetables, wine, strudel, and coffee come to 20 euros.

There’s a new kitten, only a month old and really too young to be away from its mother. Donella holds the kitten and I get Lola, who is a true kitten whisperer, out of the car. We let them run around together and the kitten is in equal parts courageous and frightened, not sure if Lola is mother or dragon. Lola lays on the ground, off her leash, and looks away when the kitten approaches to make it more at ease. Soon the hen and her two baby chicks join the mix.

As I leave the sun comes out over the valley. My heart is full.